by Chris Carter, MOMtor Regular Contributor
“Mommy, am I going to die?”
My daughter asked me this question earlier this year when she was battling yet another asthmatic flare up that is impossible to treat, as days unfold into weeks of an agonizing sleepless nightmare.
We were facing an upcoming surgery of opening up her tiny malformed ears, cleaning out her abnormally formed sinus cavity, and taking out her destroyed adenoids from severe Laryngopharyngeal Reflux (LPR).
My baby has suffered her entire life with medical issues and continues to go through countless medications and doctor appointments, procedures and scopes, tests and evaluations, surgeries and more sickness. It’s been unending and painful.
“Of course you are not going to die! Why would you think that?”
“Because I am always sick and I never get better.”
Oh, the pain we mothers feel for our children when they suffer. I believe there is no greater struggle — when we watch our child go through something so difficult and so agonizing and we can’t change it or take it away.
For my daughter, it’s been her medical issues. But the wounds that afflict our children may not be medical. Wounds also come from those dark places that penetrate our world. Bullying, academic struggles, low self esteem, loss, betrayal, mistrust, broken spirits, broken homes, empty dreams, facing fears, making poor decisions:
Failing, falling, faltering, fumbling through life’s difficult passageways…
Wounds.
When I think about my daughter’s long, twisted difficult road of illness, I see this journey as one that has built our faith through those desperate moments of anguish and fear. While on my knees crying out in despair, God met me there. Through each turn in her painful path, God met her there too.
And as we conquered and survived each trying day, little did we know that God had chiseled and molded our hearts for His purpose. He had allowed us to be broken, so He could re-build our faith.
And there is nothing more important than that.
When there are pieces all around the battleground of a crisis, it becomes impossible to pick them all up and put them back together alone. Have you ever been there? Begging for God to take over? Surrendering your terrifying grasp on the trauma in a desperate prayer for help? I have. And sometimes in the muck of things, we don’t see Him there with us…
That’s the really hard part.
It’s even more difficult to teach your child that His plan is greater than ours, His love is greater than ours, and His purpose is greater than ours.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
My daughter is constantly reminded of this truth. She is told this verse over and over again…and I pray she can live out His workmanship through each day of her life with bold, everlasting trust in Him. I remind her of our journey and how God has blessed her with His love. I try to open her eyes (and mine) to see His Light, through all our darkness.
Threading our faith through every trying turn is what we are called to do. And as battle after battle is fought on our ground over here, our faith is constantly intertwined in our everyday and sometimes every moment. Where we find weakness, we must find strength…in Him. Trusting that our wounds will make us warriors, in Christ.
This morning before school, my daughter asked what I was going to do today. I told her I was going to write about the idea of “wounds make warriors” and I asked if she understood what that means…
“It means that even when you go through hard times, you need to push through it and always believe that God is with you.”
Yes, dear child. Yes. Please don’t ever forget that.
Before having children, Chris Carter worked as a music therapist for several years in Chicago’s inpatient psychiatric hospitals. She also managed creative arts and recreation programming for four group homes, which was an amazing experience. In that time of her life, she learned and grew to know the pain and suffering of so many people.
She is now a stay-at-home mom and currently spends her days running kids to and from school four times a day, volunteering in various kid programs at school and church, and keeping the house in some sort of order! She has a thriving blog, The Mom Cafe, where she regularly shares her mothering experience and wisdom.
Beautifully written Chris. My heart aches for Cassidy.
Oh thank you Ang. I thank God for this year’s health every single day, and every single quiet restful night. I pray it continues and this is all a blurry dark past…leaving the blessings of faith in us from a long period of suffering. 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Extraordinary Mom…
What a beautifully written post, Chris. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to hear those words come out of your child’s mouth. All you can do is hold them close and reassure them. Your daughter sounds like a very smart and strong young lady!
Sara recently posted..When life is hard, love much!
Thank you so much Sara! Yes, we have had years of suffering. I look back on all those moments, hours, days, weeks…and I still can’t believe we made it through. She is an amazingly strong little one. In those dark times, my only strength and peace came from relying on God. There were times I just wanted to give up, but you can’t do that with your child. You must persevere and that is what I did. I thank God for blessing us with health this year! It has been so different. Life is creating a new “normal” for us… and I pray it continues!!!
Chris Carter recently posted..Divided Attention…
What a great post. So hard to watch our children suffer. It sounds like your sweet little girl has been through more than her share. How wonderful that she has a loving mother to guide her through the hard times and teach her to trust her Creator inspite and because of them.
Oh thank you so much Laurie. I love how you put that- “teach her to trust her Creator inspite and because of the hard times”. So beautifully put!! She has suffered so much, but I’m so grateful that we have turned a corner in her health, and we are all enjoying an AWESOME bit of wellness over here!! 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
What a wonderful post. I love that your daughter gets it. I think it is because she has someone wonderful to guide her.
JDaniel4’s Mom recently posted..Operation Christmas Child #OCCGiving
OH that is so kind of you! It’s not always easy, though. I have definately had some weak moments on this path with her. I am so grateful God has bestowed His grace and love on me!! My daughter gets it all… she sees how we may falter and fumble in our faith, but God never fails in His. Whew! So glad…
BTW- I see you are writing about OCC! Our American Heritage Girls troop has been doing Operation Christmas Child for five years! Such a great organization, with a beautiful purpose. Every year, we fill almost 200 boxes to send. 🙂 Will go read your post now!
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Awesome post. I love how you mom.
One thing I’ve always tried to instill in my girls is the notion to act on behalf of God when the situation presents itself. Be an instrument for Him. If they can find fulfillment in helping others, they’ll be more appreciative when they’re the ones who are getting a helping hand out of seemingly nowhere.
Eli@coachdaddy recently posted..Mo than I bargained for: The tale of my month of mustache
And I love how you dad. 🙂 Man, that is such an awesome compliment! Thank you SO much. I bet your girls have hearts of gold. It truly is about giving, and in the end…being blessed by it! Yes- be an instrument for Him. Love that! Always love your comments Eli…
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Oh how a moms heart can be wounded through the afflictions of our kids. I am so tender to this. I watch my son struggle with certain things and I would rather take it on myself then have him go through it. But I would rob him of the strength God giving him. Thank you for this post. I loved it!
Kari recently posted..Let’s Celebrate!!
Thank you so much for reading Kari! SO true. I believe it is truly one of the hardest parts of motherhood…having to watch your child suffer in any way. But I love the wisdom you share: if we took the pain away we would rob our children of the strength God would build in them. Love that. 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
It’s such a heart-achey place – helping our kids who’ve struggled physically in some way all their lives to understand the truth that they, too, are fearfully and wonderfully made. Our 9 year old battles this regularly. It’s so hard to watch a child fluctuate in and out of depression over their own bodies! Praying for your sweet girl, the procedures she’ll face, your courage and steady hope. Thanks for sharing your story!
Laurie Wallin recently posted..Help and Hope for Adoptive and Foster Parents
Oh yes it is so difficult!! I am so sorry you have had similar struggles with your own 9 year old. I believe they become stronger with every difficult turn. I also believe in helping them see that others suffer too, and to grow a warm heart for outward prayer and service. I wrote about it here:
http://themomcafe.com/gratitude/
Because we live deeply and boldly in our own lives facing so many struggles, we can appreciate others and their suffering and not only be grateful for all we have, but reach out to those that struggle more or have less. Thank you so much for reading and your beautiful words in response!
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
You are such a faithful warrior and your blessings overflow! I can hear God saying…that’s my girl! Poor cass has been through so much! You have nursed her physically and spiritually and that is so inspirational!
OH thank you so much dear friend for those beautiful words!! I just love that.. “You have nursed her physically and spiritually”…what an amazing way to look at this. I know you do the same sweet one! I KNOW you do the same…
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Beautifully written Chris! Cass is turning into such a beautiful Godly, caring, loving young lady in part because of her hardships bringing her closer to Him, AND because she has a beautiful Godly, caring, and loving Mother who has shown her THE way! She is truly blessed to have you guiding her into who He has intended for her to be….and she guides you also into who He intends YOU to be….pretty cool how He weaves all that together. Love how we learn through our own journey in the ‘real world’ as we fumble and falter along….then we become mothers and we enter another ‘real world’ all in itself and God continues to shape us and mold us for the better. Amazing!! Marvelous Motherhood. May our daughters be blessed with the same privilege.
YES!!! I love how you put that Candice! Marvelous Motherhood, Maddening and Marvelous Motherhood! (Wait, where oh where have I heard that before??!!) You hit the nail on the head. You have seen how God has changed me for the better through all these years of so many struggles. It was a slow and painful transformation toward newfound faith and strength. I never thought I would make it through some of those days and weeks I barely survived. It’s still even hard to think about some of those dark times. But every time I do, I realize God was with us. The fear was the worst part. This is the first time in NINE years, I am living in peace and even though I don’t trust it fully yet, I know we will be okay no matter what lies ahead in this journey. My baby is WELL!!! 🙂 WOOT!
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
I just love this. Wounds make us warriors. Exactly. Beautifully put!!
You are truly giving your daughter the tools to deal with whatever life throws at her. wonderful! –Lisa
The Dose of Reality recently posted..Politics of the Playground
Thanks Lisa for taking the time to read this post! She has had such a good school year so far, I am amazed and quite honestly baffled at her good health. Maybe, perhaps…we are through those dark years! Either way, there will always be more stumbling blocks and difficult seasons. I pray she is up for the challenges ahead, and is equiped to not only survive them…but rise above them and find a purpose in everything.
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Such a good read. I am there right now. Trying to put back the pieces and asking for help. It’s a little medical, it’s a little emotional…it’s a lot hard. I pray for your sweet daughter all the time.
AnnMarie recently posted..A Hangover and a Clean House
And I pray for your precious kiddos too! Bless your heart AnnMarie… I am always thinking about you and most importanly, praying for you. Someday, your kids will be grown and you will be able to look back and realize all you did for each one of them. The fulfillment and satisfaction will come and you will be so glad you endured! Stay strong dear friend.
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Even through their fear, I believe children have the most amazing strength (and faith)! My older sister passed away at a very young age and I believe that suffering made me a more sensitive and compassionate woman and mother. It’s an event that honed me.
Thank you for yet another beautiful and encouraging post, Chris!
michelle @ this little light recently posted..Whatchoo-Wish-You-Were-Holdin’ Wednesday
I can’t imagine that kind of loss Michelle…I am so sorry for you and your family! I absolutely agree that God has a way of blessing us with so much strength and compassion for having been through so much suffering. I always seem to be most inspired by those who have survived unbelievable struggles, because they are usually the ones that are so strong and wise.
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Beautifully written Chris. Helplessly watching our child suffer in pain or with illness is the most painful experience, but God continually meets us at our need and our faith is strengthened. Those wounds are reminders of your pain, but also reminders of God’s healing.
Oh yes Hope! You put it so beautifully. Had we not experienced so much pain, we would surely not know the fullness of God’s love and healing. In our weakness, our pain, our fears, we are strengthened…
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Beautiful post Chris! Yes, it is hard for us as parents to see our children go through an illness. Our youngest son Blake battled an illness for two years (between the ages of 3-5). God healed him supernaturally and he is now a healthy 16, soon to be 17 year old! It did teach him how to fight and I can attest to the fact that he never lets anything get the best of him and he stands on his convictions in Christ. Love you sis and praying that your precious angel is healed and made completely whole in Jesus’ name! 🙂
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Thank you so much Michell! What an amazing story about your son!! I love how he chooses to live for Christ, because of his victory… what an inspiration to us all! I would love to read the story of how God healed his illness. What a proud mother you must be. And what a beautiful miracle!! 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Love this posting! It reminds us of the extreme priviledge (and responsibility) to raise warriors for Christ! Heartbreaking to walk through life’s pain with our precious little ones! Thank you for blessing me today!
Thanks so much for stopping by and reading Marcia! Heartbreaking to walk through life’s pain with our loved ones…little or big. Always praying for you. your strength inspires me. 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Thanks Jennifer! It is so hard when our children just don’t understand. My daughter said it so “matter of factly”. I had never heard her say that in nine years of being sick. It was to me, a new turn in her awareness of her existence. Caught me off guard for sure!
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…
Beautifully said, Chris. It breaks my heart to hear “am I going to die?” I’ve heard this from my son when he was pretty sick. Of course, he wasn’t that sick. Kids need to know that they are never alone. Wounds do make warriors!
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Jennifer! Those words threw me… it made me realize how my daughter is experiencing her life and struggles. MUCH deeper than I imagined she would at age NINE.
Chris Carter recently posted..Wounds Make Warriors…