It’s the biggest hurdle we have to overcome as moms.
It tells us that we should be able to do everything that others can do.
It convinces us that we shouldn’t need help.
We start viewing help as a crutch rather than a life preserver.
We may need help managing our home if……
– we can’t find the shoes, the keys or one of our children
– we can’t open the door to the laundry room
– we can’t remember what the bottom of the sink looks like
– we’re scared to put our feet on the floor of our shower
– we’re eating unhealthy food because we can’t make a list for the grocery store and cook
– looking around our house depresses us
Dump that shame! Be as loving to yourself as you would be to other people in the same situation. Obviously, hiring people to help you is a solution, but certainly not for everyone. Bartering also is a great way to share what your areas of strength are for someone else’s. For example, I cooked my friend three dinners in exchange for her organizing a room for me. She purged and straightened. I braised and chopped. It was a beautiful thing.
We may need to seek personal professional counseling if….
– our children tell us “you should talk about this with somebody, Mom”
– we start thinking that a 5-year-old’s advice is actually valid
– we can’t stop hearing our mother’s voice come out of our mouths—and it’s not a good thing.
– we go to the grocery store and tear up when the clerk asks us, “Do you have everything you need?”
– we steal our child’s teddy bear and blanket to soothe ourselves to sleep
Dump that shame! Counseling is not a four letter word. It is a neccessary feild of pastoral care that is deeply rooted in biblical practice. “Blessed is the poor is spirt” Jesus said. Not “Blessed is the woman who can do it all”. Churches serve as excellent referral sources as well as other moms.
We may to seek help in our marriage if….
– we can’t remember what our husband’s face looks like during daylight
– our husband asks us for time alone and we refuse because we feel too busy
– we would rather spend time with our computers than our husbands
– either we or our husband is spending more and more time away from home than within its walls
Dump that shame! Treat marital problems like a large man getting rolled into the ER with a heart attack. Pull out all the stops to revive and change it for the better.
We may need to seek help in our parenting if…
– every time out, restriction, redirecting, natural consequence technique we have tried with our kid fails miserably.
– we have been approached by complete strangers or loving family members about our children’s behavior
– we believe that our children “would never do such a thing” when observing other peoples’ kids
– our parenting problems are affecting our marriage (i.e. sleep issues, food issues, over indulgence)
Dump shame! Start with other people in your child’s life who know them: teachers, pediatricians, friends, pastors. Enlist their help molding a certain behaviors Share with them your struggles. Ask for their suggestions and listen. Their perspective is always different than yours.
How have you learned to ask for help?
Where do you think you may need more?
How would that impact your mothering?
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