by Chris Carter, The Mom Cafe, Regular MOMtor Contributor
I believe that parenting a child brings us to the end of ourselves.
From the moment of conception, we realize that this creation we hold is so much bigger and greater than anything we can manage alone.
From the moment I was giving birth, my dear husband was by my side and we were in a panic of crisis as the Doctor told us he couldn’t promise us our baby was okay. My husband was desperately trying to calm me down, while I cried in labor and in fear. I looked deep into his eyes with complete anguish pleading for him to pray, NOW. And he did. That truly was the moment I remember most in the entire birth of my baby.
That prayer. Pleading. Powerful.
That was the pivotal moment of total desperation, where I found myself at the end of who I was and the beginning of total dependence on God.
And from that day forward, through each trial and challenge, through every turn and diagnosis, every sleepless long night and exhausting day of sickness and doctors and hospital stays…no Doctor could help her, try as they may. No specialist had answers, and no healing was happening for years.
I had constantly begged for His Direction, His Comfort, His Peace, and His Power. He alone was my sustenance. He alone was my lifeline.
My very existence was empty of anything in my heart, but survival. And when a mother lives in a chronic state of trauma, the only choice she has is to give it all…
God has a way of entering in, when we are forced to make space for Him. When we have exhausted all means of living, we reach out to the One who created us and reigns over Heaven and earth. I can’t tell you how many times I was terrified and drowning… in the constant battle between holding on to myself, and letting go to Him.
If you haven’t, then you are blessed! But truly, if you haven’t I pray that when there comes a time when you reach the end of yourselves in your motherhood journey…
You find Him.
I have yet to meet a mother who hasn’t fallen to her knees in a deep passionate cry for her child at some point in her parenting journey. Whether it be sickness, addiction, or perhaps a choice a child has made that went wayward. Parenting does that, at some time in our journey. We will find ourselves out of our own control. And when that happens…
Look for Him and hold on tight.
As we endure and often celebrate the moments that bring us to our knees in deep gratitude or desperate pleading, our faith becomes a lifeline.
There is a constant tug that we feel in those critical moments of questioning or overwhelming joy in the wonder of it all. And although I spent nine years in constant turmoil, desperately trying to heal my child, I realized an amazing and passionate faith that was also born on the same day my precious daughter came into this world.
This faith could never have been built on my own strength and power. This faith was created through sacrifice and surrender of a mother who forfeited her own will and opened her heart and her life to His.
I am so blessed to have this constant reminder that He is here in my every day, every moment, and every decision for my children. I look back on those blurry endless days and nights, and I see Him carefully placing trust in my weary heart. There is no greater peace than having faith that whatever happens with our children, we will trust in His Plan and Purpose for our lives.
Find your Lifeline, ladies. It’s the only one you will ever need.
Before having children, Chris Carter worked as a music therapist for several years in Chicago’s inpatient psychiatric hospitals. She also managed creative arts and recreation programming for four group homes. In that time of her life, she learned and grew to know the pain and suffering of so many people. She is now a stay-at-home mom and currently spends her days running kids to and from school four times a day, volunteering and keeping the house in some sort of order! She has a thriving blog, The Mom Cafe, where she regularly shares her mothering experience and wisdom.