by Chris Carter, Regular MOMtor Contributor
I have been crippled with anxiety my entire life.
The angst in living can be debilitating and exhausting, if you are constantly battling the tremendous weight of this burden. Once I became a parent, my anxiety level climaxed to heights I never knew existed.
Even the most steady and strongest of soldiers fall to their knees in this fierce battlefield called motherhood. To those who have nerves of steel and a peace that never breaks open into a flood of tumultuous waters, just go ahead and have a baby. And you will be broken into pieces scattered all about your precious predictable world.
I have yet to meet a mom who hasn’t lived in the land of twists and turns winding in and out of questioning and concern and sheer fear on any given day with their child. There is this entirely complex creation to behold in your trembling hands, and the responsibility of this calling, is a mighty one. Every stage and age and phase and fall… every change and turn and beginning and end… over and over again. Amen?
So as moms, we must find a way to manage our anxiety. It’s near impossible some days- those days. We all know ‘those days’… the big ones. The ones where we are yanked from our peace out of nowhere, grasping on to anything to survive.
Desperately clinging to some sort of sanity and solace in the midst of a crisis with our kids. Those are the ones that erupt without warning, or possibly hit us off guard. And then there are the days upon days of a slow steady strain… trying to care for your child while desperately trying to learn how to along the way.
Each day always gives us moms something to worry about. It’s in us. Always.
It’s an ongoing journey to find contentedness in parenting, and although I struggle with the rise and fall of these waves every day, I have built my own recipe to slow the pace of my heart and loosen the knots of my nerves.
Three things. Three significant ingredients that keep me from spiraling into a frenzy of complete and utter despair.
You could say I have had a lot of practice in this arena; perhaps you can even call me an “Anxious Expert”. 😉
People.
Prayer.
Past.
People:
There is nothing more isolating, than being all alone in your fears, your angst, your worries. The weight of your burdens can be lifted with just one call to a friend, one conversation sharing your feelings and your experience. Connect, dear friends. Simply pull yourself out of the darkness of anxiety by taking that one step to reach out to anyone you trust. A friend, co-worker, family member… anyone who would be willing to listen. There is relief in relating. There is a lift of the load when you share. If I am alone with my anxious thoughts spiraling down into despair… I know I need someone there. With me, in it.
Release it, and feel the burden in your heart become lighter, when you allow it to bear the weight with another.
Past:
As our journey often brings more and more messes to meander through and figure out and stumble upon once again, I am always reminded of my history. My past record. That is where I find the most strength in coping with my anxious ‘what ifs’ and ‘what fors’ and ‘what nows’…
I discover hope in reflecting on each crisis I survived, because of all the answers and provisions and people that were presented at the perfect time in the perfect way… This gives me great comfort. There are so many moments of strife and struggles. So much adversity in each of our lives. Did we survive it? We did. Will we survive this? We will.
Look back, dear friends. Look back.
Prayer:
Who best to go to in times of wrestling with worry? The One Who has already cleared your path, my friend. Cry out to God. Give Him everything… pour it on Him. He already knows. Cling to His Power, and trust in His Plan. When you are faced with fear, He conquers it with His Peace. When you are at the end of all you can do… that’s when He is at His Best. In prayer, we finally can surrender it all to Him, and He will gladly take control. Motherhood will eventually bring us to our knees…
And as we strip off our weakness in our own human condition piece by piece, He adds more of His Divine Certainty…peace by peace.
Allow Him in, dear friends. He is waiting anxiously to embrace you.
Parenting is riddled with anxiety and the constant challenges we face are both profound and often perplexing. We are never fully prepared to face things of the unknown, and that’s when it hits me most. In the unknown.
So find your place in what you do know. Find freedom in sharing. Discover comfort in reflecting. And find Peace in Praying.
Before having children, Chris Carter worked as a music therapist for several years in Chicago’s inpatient psychiatric hospitals. She also managed creative arts and recreation programming for four group homes. In that time of her life, she learned and grew to know the pain and suffering of so many people. She is now a stay-at-home mom and currently spends her days running kids to and from school four times a day, volunteering and keeping the house in some sort of order! She has a thriving blog, The Mom Cafe, where she regularly shares her mothering experience and wisdom.
Love those three P’s, Chris. They’re right on the money. People need people, especially in those fearful times. That human support buoys us up and over the deep hole of despair that would do us in. And prayer… hey, you know where I am on that. Can’t live a day without it!
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I know exactly where you are with prayer my friend!! And people – ah they can be life savers when we are bearing the burden of despair. Reaching out is so important. I pray for those that are alone in their pain…
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
Well said Chris!! Yes anxiety is something we ALL go through. The ONLY antidote I know is Him, otherwise I would drive myself mad!! As a mother, this is more of a reality in my life NOW than ever before Chris! You see, when your kids are younger, you have them with you all the time and you can control everything around them, their environment, where they go, etc.; it’s when they’re grown and they’re no longer under your roof and your watch and care. You’re not with them all the time and you can’t control where they go, etc., etc. THAT’S when the worry and anxiety really sets in(now I know how my mom felt when I went away to college). Lol! BUT, it’s in those times when I have to go for broke Chris…either I TRUST HIM that He’s GOT them, or I don’t! Thanks my friend…now go get some rest! 🙂 Love you!xoxo
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I Michell- I can’t even imagine letting go when they are older and not in sight of us mamas!! That is surely when you MUST rely on God to protect them! And prayer is our only resource to strength and peace in those times… I am sure of that!
I am quite positive you have taught them well, my friend. And through THEIR faith, you can find peace too… amen? 🙂
Equipping them is key. I pray can do that during these young years…oh how I pray.
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
Oh, Chris. I have struggled with anxiety all my life and seem to be in the pit with it lately. I have so much anxiety, that it’s crippling my writing and keeping me from hitting publish on just about everything. I still don’t even feel like the post I wrote today made sense, but I posted anyway. Every where I turn, I’m met with worry, second guesses, and it can be so crippling. It makes me feel insane. Sigh…anyway you’re speaking to my heart today! I love your advice and couldn’t agree more!
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From my heart to yours girl. From my heart to yours…
May God be with you through each and every minute that you’re in it. Praying you through, my friend. May His Presence minister to your weary worried soul. XOXOXO
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
Anxiety attack, panic attacks…no fun. No fun to feel your heart beating as though it could leap from your chest, to have beads of sweat on your forehead even though the room isn’t hot, the thoughts swirling around your head…. Love your 3 P’s: people, past, prayer. Definitely going to keep those in mind!
Sounds like you have been there my friend. Oh so many have. Those three P’s can truly be life savers…
I pray they help in your time of need. XO
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
Amen sis! Good strategies for sure!
You KNOW how much I’ve needed them sis… and YOU have been my life-line through so many many moments of anxiety… your comfort, your grace, your wisdom and your strength have helped me over the years more than you will ever know. XO
I love you so much.
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
I’m not sure I know any woman who hasn’t experienced some form of anxiety. And parenting just makes that anxiety come to the surface. Your strategies are perfect and I think important to use all three together.
Absolutely Jennifer!! I have yet to meet a woman who hasn’t experienced some form of anxiety either. It’s in us- to some degree. And yet so many truly suffer because of it…
These three P’s have truly been my life-line through out my life. All three together- yes yes yes. 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
I was never an anxious person until motherhood, so this ” Each day always gives us moms something to worry about. It’s in us. Always.” really resonated with me.
People…prayer…past. I am going to remember and use this!! Thank you for these tools, friend!! –Lisa
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It’s amazing how motherhood rocks us to our core, isn’t it? Shakes us and breaks us from the moment we give birth. (Sometimes even in pregnancy..)
I love that it resonated with you Lisa! These three P’s have always always helped me. XO
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
ah-SSSF- I absolutely concur with everything said here! you wrote it beautifully! stated it so well. Thank you for sharing!
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Well my sweet soul sister forever (see how I edited that?? LOL!) I am SO grateful for you to take the time to read it, love! I PROMISE to get over to your place SOON!! Ugh. SO behind.
Loving you always. Cutie patootie.
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
So well said Chris. I don’t know one Mama who hasn’t, at some time, dealt with anxiety in one form or another. Mine is often mixed up with my insecurities. You know better than anyone that I lean heavily on my close girlfriends when I’m struggling most. I also take it to the Lord in prayer. The one I often forget is to look to my past for the many victories I’ve been blessed with in dealing with my junk. What an awesome reminder! Love you and praying for you.
Thanks lovey!! YES! Thank GOD for friends and a beautiful sisterhood that we are blessed to have to help us with our junk and our fears and worries!!! The past is key- to me. His record of His Provisions… KEY. Look back- and see how He makes all things work to the good. Amen?
I mean look at those incredible girls you have!! And that hunk of a hubs too!! XO
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
I’ve struggled with situational anxiety throughout life. It wasn’t so bad until I had kids, though!! I do all three of these things. Big time. I think that’s what was missing in the past. I wouldn’t confront it and I’d hide away from friends, family, rehashing, etc.
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I think it’s so easy to crawl into our corners and wilt… and fret… alone. Isn’t it? And sometimes that is what is really in our natural response to anxiety. But when we take that step- push ourselves to reach out- it truly is amazing how it can pull us up and out of the spiral down, and give us new perspective and strength.
I love that you do the same things Tamara!!! SO cool. 🙂
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
And you know without a shadow of a doubt that this post hits home with me and that two of these , you do for me. You are my people and you help me in prayer and I love, love, love you for it. Great advice that I will continue to use. 🙂
Oh honey!!! I just love you so so much!! And I am HONORED that you trust me with both of those P’s!!!
And I am still praying for you… and here…. wondering how you are doing. You have been on my heart so much today. I was going to message you, and then it got crazy. Let me know when you can, okay?
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose
Yes, this is just what I needed to read today! I’m usually a ball of anxiety (which is why I run so much!) but these three steps are so do-able and, most of the time, I’m doing them anyway without actually knowing it. I especially love #2 b/c each new phase of parenting that I think is insurmountable, I get through…and then there’s another phase. If I take time to reflect and say, “Yes, I made it through that and I didn’t think I would,” the next phase is more manageable. Thank you for this!
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I used to work out EVERY DAY to help with my anxiety!!! I get that Allie! It helps soooo much… and one of the greatest outlets for us girls who need to let it ‘OUT’. 🙂
And you NAILED it! That is exactly what I do with each stage or issue that arises with parenting, or really anything in my life. I realize that I have survived the ”last one’ and sometimes even found many blessings that came of it. Our history- can be an incredible window of strength and encouragement.
I’m so glad you shared Allie. XO
Chris Carter recently posted..Devotional Diary: From Pain To Prayerful Purpose