by Chris Carter, Regular MOMtor Contributor
Years ago, I taught music lessons out of my home.
I had hoped to continue my career as a music teacher while raising my kids. My students would come for piano and vocal lessons, while my baby girl was napping in the afternoon and then when my husband returned home from work, he would take over caring for her while I taught well into the night.
It was exhausting.
Switching those hats was never an easy feat. I would anxiously go through my day with that ever-present pressure to make sure I didn’t veer from the course, for fear of messing up the mandatory naptime.
As often the case, despite my agonizing efforts — she would invariably wake up from her nap too early — or go down too late rendering me wearing both hats. It was a constant challenge to switch back and forth and at times wear them both. I juggled this schedule to the best of my abilities, as I added a second child in the mix and barely survived.
I loved teaching my students. I had a well-worn path created out of the passion and purpose of my love for music and guiding young souls toward embracing it in their lives. I had deep connections with the parents and the kids I taught. It was a significant part of my life, and I tried to hold on to it as tightly as I could, while this new and ever-growing need in caring for my kids was fiercely fighting for all of me.
My children suffered medical issues that pulled the current stronger toward my vital need to take off that passionate purposeful teaching hat, and lay it to rest. It was such a difficult surrender … and yet, it released great liberation to allow me to give all I had to my most critical mission:
Being a mother.
I look back at that time, and realize now that I made the best decision of my parenting life. I was desperately torn in my deepest longing to let go of anything that hindered my responsibilities in caring for my precious children. They were suffering, and I was tormented by their plight — as any mother would be. I had to make a change to attend to them with all of me. And although I gave up a beautiful career, I see now how it shifted my priorities in perfect placement. I was blessed to be able to make this change.
Sometimes that means working — or not working. Every situation is unique and every mother has to face those ever-present and significant turns throughout her journey as a mom.
The choice each mom makes, is important and worthy of respect. There are so many variables and benefits to working moms and non-working moms. There are countless moms who work and balance the equation with amazing grace and bold intention. I am in awe of the incredible sacrifices made with either choice, for any woman.
As my kids are now older, and have finally reached a season of health, I have spent my valuable ‘free’ time wearing new hats. I write. I reach. I run ministries and cherish every bit of these beloved missions that I have been able to place in my life — in addition to motherhood.
There are always the ever-changing seasons. And I am now in a season of fulfillment not only as a mother, but a woman with new dreams.
I think I will always battle the balance in it all…
But I embrace these hats and feel a sense of constant fulfillment in wearing them all. Every mom can attest to the challenges we all face in switching our hats, and often wearing them both at once. How long to spend with one hat on, versus the other? How do our kids perceive the other hat and vice versa. Each mom must clearly define what is best for them. Each family has their own unique calling in how they choose to live.
And there is a season for it all.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens … Ecclesiastes 3:3 (NIV)
Don’t miss out on our A Prayer for My Children printable!
Just subscribe below and download it for FREE!
[wp_eStore_free_download_squeeze_form id=2]
Before having children, Chris Carter worked as a music therapist for several years in Chicago’s inpatient psychiatric hospitals. She also managed creative arts and recreation programming for four group homes. In that time of her life, she learned and grew to know the pain and suffering of so many people. She is now a stay-at-home mom and currently spends her days running kids to and from school four times a day, volunteering and keeping the house in some sort of order! She has a thriving blog, The Mom Cafe, where she regularly shares her mothering experience and wisdom.
People told me a I was crazy for deciding to leave a high salary and excellent benefits job — to Just Be A Mom. I was throwing away my education and giving up my dreams.
Um, no. The dream just changed.
And also, hello — I had the career for 12 years before I became a mom, so I still think that degree got put to pretty good use. And it’s not like I dropped IQ points just because a baby came out of my body (well, maybe a few in that first sleepless year) — I still have the brains to do more than Just Be a Mom.
And finally – shame on you people: I’m a WHOLE person – I’ve never been “just” anything. No one is just ONE person.
Ggggrrr, I just hated that idea that my professional life was over. That I wasn’t contributing any worthwhile to society anymore. Yeah, nothing special. Just growing futures over here.
Rorybore recently posted..Tuesday Coffee Chat: Riddle Me This
I can definitely see you as a music teacher!
I’m so in this right now. The ideal plan would be for me to do photography on weeknights/weekends and charge a lot of money and live that perfect life, right?
Never works out that way. I undercharge and I also blog the heck out of my life and I only sometimes get paid for that one. And now I’m doing a 50 hour data entry job and I’m ready to drop!
I get what you mean about stronger currents showing us which direction to swim in.
Tamara recently posted..Then I Became a Mother.
You really couldn’t have said this any better. I have been struggling so much lately because there are so many things that I want to be doing right now – with writing and blogging and building a business and volunteering, and, and, and… but my children are suffering because right now they are little and just want mommy to take them swimming or paint with them or just LOVE them… and I’m sad for me to say that it’s so hard for me to balance. It SHOULD be easy. I SHOULD just naturally gravitate toward wanting to be the best mom to my littles that I can’t be. But it’s NOT. I can’t shut off that drive. But last month, I over did it. My marriage almost ended, my children were terribly behaved, and I myself, nearly had a breakdown. I took on too much. So we came to a compromise. A schedule. I get early mornings and until noon to do work. In the evenings if the kids are otherwise occupied. And the afternoon – well that is supposed to be sacred mommy time. I’m still trying to navigate it and arrange my schedule so that it works out like that. It’s tough. All my best ideas seem to come when I’m sitting around with the kids. But there will always be stories to write… right? Thanks Chris. You spoke to my heart. Love you.
Alexa recently posted..Did You Win?
Moms often struggle with these type of decisions. We all want to put our kids first, but sacrifices often have to be made. Oh, the choices we make! I think, in the end, our instincts and faith show us the way to go.
another jennifer recently posted..Philanthropy Friday: Moving Forward and Asking for Help
Chris, I couldn’t agree more and must admit that I had to make a similar choice in whether to stay home after losing a full time teaching position or to take a lesser paying substitute teaching position, make less and then be just paying for daycare. Now looking back, I am truly happy for the decision I made and seems like a no-brainer to me, but back then truly was a big choice I had to make. So hugs to you and here is to making the hard, but right decisions as moms!! 🙂
Janine Huldie recently posted..A Frozen Saturday Morning Breakfast Experience
Chris, it was fun reading about your past life. I had no idea you were a music teacher!! I left a corporate job to be home and I am glad I did because I traveled way too much. But now I am working from home and although my kids are older, it’s still a big adjustment and a constant juggle!
Michelle @ A Dish of Daily Life recently posted..Caesar Salad Dressing {From Giddu’s Kitchen}
How did I not know about your past career, Chris? That is awesome, but I completely get this struggle. I just went back to work part-time in a job that found me when I wan’t even searching. After being a SAHM for over a decade, it has been quite an adjustment.
Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted..Chocolate Heaven