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What Do I Do Now? I’ve Screwed Up

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I am making all things new! Revelation 21:5

For many painful years, i clung tightly to the hope that GOD would do a "new thing" and heal my broken body.

Little did i know then that what i needed most was a new view of Him.

Gradually, He opened my eyes, healed my mind and won my heart.

It has changed everything.
He wants to do the same for you.

i'd love to have you join me on this "new" journey. Read More…

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Waiting on God to fulfill a dream, a promise, a lo

Waiting on God to fulfill a dream, a promise, a longing of our heart can seem excruciating at times. Abraham waited 20 long years for his promised Isaac. Joseph waited 12 years for his dream to come true. Hannah’s longing for a child ached in her heart for years before Samuel was born.
Often, we try to help God along in these kind of waiting seasons. Anxious to relieve our pain. To set the plan in motion. And it puts our eyes on us. We don’t even know the depth and width of God’s plan but we’ve anointed ourselves as director. And ironically, our efforts to speed things up often slow things down.
The answer in the wait? Focus. Focusing again and again on God every time our heart aches. Saying a simple prayer, like “Jesus, I need you” is sometimes all we can say. It is enough. He is always near.
God is not waiting because you don’t have your act together or until you reach a certain standard of performance. No! He is waiting for that moment when His highest glory and your highest good intersect. When our eyes are fixed on Him, we won’t miss that moment. And it will be glorious. 🙏🏻❤️

Hope is fragile. It is a dangerous thing. Especial

Hope is fragile. It is a dangerous thing. Especially when we are hoping for something that is so deeply buried in our hearts that maybe few know about it. Maybe only you and God do. Maybe you had given up on it, but God sparked a renewed belief that it was possible. And suddenly you feel vulnerable. Hoping puts you in place of risking being disappointed.
Quite a while back, God renewed hope in me in a couple of areas of deep pain that I just accepted. He impressed this hope so strongly in my heart and I was so convinced these things were going to happen that it was as if they already had. But then they didn’t. Days, months, YEARS passed with little indication that they would and plenty of evidence that they wouldn’t.
But something shifted this week. Not in the circumstances (yet), but in my heart. In the atmosphere. My wavering belief was renewed by God once again. He impressed upon my heart that my hope was not in vain. It was not displaced. I STILL BELIEVE. I needed to know that I still believed. He already knew.
When God keeps us waiting it is always for our highest good and His highest glory. I think God is very much like a loving, anxious Father on Christmas morning who can’t wait for His kids to open the presents He carefully picked out just for them. But He knows that if they are unwrapped too soon - before the day they were appointed to be revealed - we won’t be ready. We won’t be able to fully enjoy them. They won’t have the full impact He designed them to have. So He waits.
And we wait, too. Clinging to Hope, no matter how fragile because we know Hope is true. Jesus is Hope. Our Hope is not in vain. I still wait, but I still believe. Christmas is coming.

I struggle with self-focus. Can anybody out there

I struggle with self-focus. Can anybody out there relate to that? This morning, I was telling God that I wanted to be free of that. I didn’t want to be like that. My heart wants an outward focus not an inward one. Self-focus makes me miserable. God focus sets me free.
He led me to Philippians 2, where Paul talks about how so many of us are concerned with our own agenda and not that of Jesus Christ. Ouch. I knew that although God had brought me a long way in the area of self focus, I had a long way to go too.
I wondered why I so often focus on the very thing that makes me miserable (myself)?! God reminded me that it is a matter of trust. If I trust that God is going to take care of me and fulfill His purpose for me, then I am free to focus on others. But I can only trust when my focus is on the One Who is trustworthy.
So what is the cure for self-focus? CHOOSING to redirect our focus on God. When we do, we feel His love. We know He can be trusted. His love inspires us want to follow His agenda and not ours. And His agenda is always to humbly encourage others in the faith, to be kind and show His love. We will recognize those opportunities more and more when our focus shifts from self to God.
This shifting of focus has to be done over and over again. It isn’t easy. It’s a continual choice. But it’s a choice that becomes more natural and joy filled the more we do it.
When we focus on the Life Giver, kindness, peace and love will always be blooming in us. And that will change the world.

I’m often confused by God’s ways. I can’t fi

I’m often confused by God’s ways. I can’t figure out how He is working in certain situations. I’m often stumped by His timing. This used to frustrate me to no end. Until my eyes were truly opened to who He is. His love and His wisdom and power. But mostly His love. That is what changes everything. When we experience in our hearts, not just our heads, how much He loves us, we know we don’t have to figure out what He’s doing. All we have to do is follow. We can trust Him even when we can’t see and we can’t understand His ways.
My eyes first began to be opened when I was lying in bed, completely physically broken by years of autoimmune disease. I wondered why I had been forsaken. Why didn’t God heal me? I believed the lie He didn’t care. And then I so clearly heard a question that changed my life: “Do you trust Me?” Honestly, I told Him I wasn’t sure. And then He sweetly replied so strongly in my spirit: “You can trust the One Who dies for you.” For the first time, that truth pierced my hard heart. “Yes! I can trust the One Who dies for me!” From that day on, I followed Him with a deepening sense of awe and surrender. I decided in my heart that I was committed. No matter what happened, no matter how confused I was and am at times, there is no going back. Since that day, He has continually made His love too real to me to ever go back. I will sing of His goodness no matter what. He is always good even if our eyes can’t recognize His goodness. He is Love, even when His love doesn’t feel like love.
My healing - mind, body and spirit - began that day almost 4 years ago. I’m not going back. I will sing.

As someone who struggled with anxiety for most of

As someone who struggled with anxiety for most of her life, I know what a gift and blessing Peace is on all levels. Anxiety affects you mentally, physically and emotionally. It keeps you in a constant state of fight or flight. And yet I didn’t even realize it. When you live that way for so long, you think it’s normal. Just the way life is.
But it’s a lie! Life doesn’t have to be that way. Jesus died so we could have Peace. When Jesus was about to be crucified, He warned His disciples that He was about to leave them but one day they would see Him again. The disciples were anxious and fearful. They couldn’t imagine living without their Teacher. But then He tells them that it is actually better that He leaves because His death and resurrection will enable Him to send the Holy Spirit who will live inside them.
When we know Jesus, the Person of Peace lives inside of us. He is ever present and promises to never leave us. Why didn’t I get that for so many years? I didn’t understand how much Jesus loved me. I knew it in my head and not in my heart. One day, I just couldn’t do the “anxiety girl” life anymore. It had completely burned me out and left me in despair. And God just met me there one morning and flat out overwhelmed me with His love. I can’t explain it but I could feel it. Suddenly I knew I could trust Someone who loves me that much. Gradually, the anxiety began to lift. He wants to overwhelm you with an awareness of His love, too. There is no “formula,” but the more we focus on Him, the more we’ll experience it.
Do I still feel anxiety sometimes? Sure. I’m human. But now it’s the exception rather than my address. As I cry out to God during those times, His Holy Spirit reminds me of His love.
And I can feel my senses of Peace return.
God doesn’t demand you accept His gift of Peace but He does lovingly offer it. He wants to bless you with Peace. It’s right there for the taking. ❤️

This verse reminds me of childhood when the captai

This verse reminds me of childhood when the captain would be picking teams during PE or recess. Usually the captain would ask everyone to sit down first. Then we would be excitedly raising our hands and begging, “Pick me! Pick me!” Often we also say, “Send me! Send me!” to our Captain, Jesus. But we don’t realize that we have to sit at His feet first. The overflow of the Spirit is only gained at His feet — where it can appear as if we are doing nothing.
When Jesus sent out His disciples to do His work, it was only after many, many days and hours at His feet. We have to spend dedicated, regular time with the Captain in order to be filled with the awareness of His love and the wisdom of His Spirit that will truly produce work of eternal value.
He wants our whole hearts dedicated to His work. And our heart surrender is only inspired by time fully dedicated to His presence.
Jesus often knows when we are ready for assignments before we do. I doubt the apostles knew when God was going to send them out to heal in His name or participate in a miracle to feed 5,000. Little did they fully realize that the time spent at His feet was preparing them to be a part of the “impossible.” I want to always be prepared to participate in the impossible, too. I want to say, “Send me, Captain!” And hear “Go, My Daughter!” Going always starts by sitting. ❤️🙏🏻

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